No porn. No sex?! Now what?

man puzzled over sexless marriage

I can’t look at porn because it destroys all that is precious to me.

And going without porn is manageable in a healthy marriage, especially those with a vibrant sex life. But some of you are without sex inside your marriage.

Ouch.

The sexless marriage

Sexless marriages exist. I first heard of one from a friend who confided in me. I felt really sorry of the guy. That seemed to me the ultimate torture.

Going without sex temporarily is outlined in scripture when agreed upon by a husband and wife and there are guidelines for that (Paul, I Corinthians).

But what if this is going on in your marriage through no plan or fault of your own? That can be veeeeeeeeeeery frustrating. Then what?

For most of us, there’s a need for regular sexual release. Is this article making you uncomfortable yet? Well, this might help some of you.

uncomfortable-manOK, let’s get down to business. Masturbation. The big M. Always a fun topic for discussion amongst the guys.

The bible is blank on this subject. Yes there is the passage in Genesis about Onan ‘spilling his seed’, but that passage is not about masturbation.

Jesus said that “any man who looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Isn’t it just like him to phrase things in a way that makes you look inside your heart?

What’s a man to do?

Can a man manage his life and stay sane when he does not have his natural God-given outlet of sexual release? Can it be done strictly through self-control? Some say yes. I say no.

Unless you are fasting, the self-control thing won’t last very long. Twenty-fours. Forty-eight? Usually the older a guy is, the longer he can go.

So is it OK for a married man to masturbate? The better question is can a man masturbate without fantasizing about another woman. Many would say no.

Is there righteous relief here? I say yes. I say God makes a way. Because why would God give no outlet for a guy who finds himself in a mind-bending, hair-ripping experience that could easily drive him to big mistakes?

So here goes. My take. A man can masturbate fantasizing only about his wife (a man could masturbate thinking about nothing, but that’s a stretch). For those who say it can’t be done, I say it’s a matter of bettering your imagination and self-control skills.

If a man cannot restrict himself mentally to his wife and his wife only, then this concept is not for him.

For those of you who can pull this off, good deal.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” -Colossians 3:17

 

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About Scott St. Onge

I help men become better husbands and dads through sexual purity.
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