I’m in deep and nobody knows. I use pornography regularly. It’s really a part of my life. These women are are part of my life. It’s all imaginary and at times it seems so creative and it’s all coming down on me. I know it’s wrong.
I serve on the Board at my church. I live between the thrill of my fantasies and the fear of being exposed. I could lose a lot.
The things I can see at the press of a button on my computer, my phone- it’s fairly easy to hide. And I justify it. Hey it’s like this- I tell myself if it’s not hurting my wife. But God sees it all. He formed my eye; there’s no getting around that. And I know His standard: no lust.
That’s the hardest part. He made me- a man, with a lot of sexual drive. It’s natural, but I know he doesn’t want me hiding in that secret realm. I know what he says about it. I know the Scriptures.
It’s tough because these women are so amazing and willing. And two or three hours into the night, with my wife sleeping quietly in the next room, I’m back in the guilt and shame and hiding phase. I know I have a problem.