You Can’t See What I See

man-distraught

You can’t see what I see. I see things sometimes that I shouldn’t see. Pornography. it’s getting the best of a lot of me. But it’s so easy to hide.

I slip. I fall. It can start with the smallest image- an image from a sports article, for goodness sake. A provocative looking woman it a little picture on a random web site. I start looking at her and a fire starts.

I’m an usher at my church. People regard me as a strong Christian. And I am, for the most part. But I wish I could get rid of this thing once and for all.

I have a wonderful wife and two kids. They’re small- they don’t know about sexual infidelities. But I worry about my problem. What is going on behind the scenes, spiritually, in their lives and hearts as a result of my sin? Are the kids being spiritually attacked because of my slip ups?

My wife really doesn’t know. She knows I struggle sometimes- but just like any other man, I tell her. How much better would our relationship be if I didn’t slip in this area?

I go to God after I fall. He forgives me. He’s so good. But there’s got to be a better way.